You’re in a rush, you have to get going, but your friend stinks. What to do? Well, practice this helpful dialog of course! Mickey and Jovitt break down the useful phrases of this episode, while Pupay and Razi talk about palangganas, tabos, and taking a shower!
A: Pare, huli na tayo!
B: Maliligo lang ako nang mabilis!
A: Ano? Huli na tayo!
B: Alam ko! Kaso, ang baho ko eh!
A: Dude, we’re late!
B: I’ll just take a quick shower!
A: Whut?! We’re late!
B: I know! But I stink!
They say that if you can drive in the Philippines, you can drive anywhere. But this innate talent of driving has to come from somewhere right? Of course! And all roads lead back to driving school which is what Mickey and Cris will discuss in 2012′s first Kalyespeak episode.
A: Marunong ka ba magmaneho?
B: Opo!
A: Sige, ano yang hawak mo?
B: Cambio po.
A: Sira! Manibela yan!
A: Do you know how to drive?
B: Yes!
A: Ok, so what’s that thing your holding?
B: The gear stick.
A: Crazy! That’s the steering wheel!
After a long wait, we’re back with, yes, you guessed it, another food-related lesson! Cris, Jov, and Mickey tackle a classic Pampangueno dish: sisig – a staple for almost every Filipino who drinks beer or hangs out in a grill. It’s delicious. It’s succulent. It’s pig’s head. And it’s making us hungry.
A: Gutom na ako!
B: Maghintay ka muna!
A: Bakit ang tagal?
B: Hindi pa luto yung sisig!
A: AAARGH! GUTOM NA AKO!
A:I’m hungry!!!
B: Just wait a while!
A: What’s taking so long?
B: The sisig isn’t cooked yet!
A: ARGH! I’M HUNGRY!
Is there a better way than to start your day with a joke? Of course! That’s by saying a joke in Filipino! In this (long-awaited!) installment of Kalyespeak, Cris and Mickey share a classic Filipino joke, while Jovitt gets off his pison and shares some insights on Filipino jokes.
A: May joke ako! Anong tawag sa taong nasagasaan ng pison?
B: Ano?
A: Tanga!
A: I have a joke! What do you call a person who gets run over by a steam roller?
B: What?
A: Stupid!
We are back! And what better way to usher in 2011 than with a lesson on food! Cris and Mickey talk about this uber-famous Filipino street food, fishballs! Paulo and Jovitt explain how and where to buy these yummy balls-on-a-stick, and guest Bernice also shares her two centavos! Listen now, and don’t forget to listen until the end for a musical treat by Cris!
A: Wow Fishballs! Ano yung masarap na sawsawan?
B: May matamis, may maanghang. Depende na sa iyo yan!
A: Sige, yung matamis na lang!
A: Wow Fishballs! What’s a good sauce?
B: There’s some sweet sauce, there’s some spicy. It all depends on you!
A: Ok, i’ll just get the sweet one then!
Music: Slip by Kjwan (woohoo!)
No copyright infringement intended. If you like the music, go and support OPM by buying the song legally online or in your nearest music store!
Hankering for some loving? Then how about try a Filipino pick-up line? Just don’t follow this girl as she does an epic fail. It’s also a special episode because we’re joined by a special guest and one of the Kspeak founders is back! Listen in for this extra espesyal lesson!
A: Boss, alam mo ba? Kung posporo ka, at posporo ako, eh di match tayo!
B: Nye.
A: Ah.. umm.. umutot ka ba? Kasi you blew me away!
B: Ano?!
A: Sir, did you know? If you were a matchstick, and I were a matchstick, we’d match!
B: Meh.
A: AH.. umm.. did you fart? Coz you blew me away!
B: What?!?
Special thanks to Boyet and Bernice who did the voices!
Music: Mahirap Talaga Magmahal ng Syota ng Iba by Isla Era
No copyright infringement intended. If you like the music, go and support OPM by buying the song legally online or in your nearest music store!
We’ve all had our fair share of ups and downs. That’s just how life goes. And we all know we couldn’t have made it without the help of our friends. This episode shows exactly the opposite of those times. Listen in as Mickey and Jov eavesdrop on a heart-to-heart talk of two “friends.” Razi and Paulo join in and talk about the Filipino cultural phenomenon known as “utang ng loob.”
A: May problema ako.
B: Gusto mo bang pag-usapan?
A: May pinatay ako.
B: Ah.. sige… una na ako.
A: I have a problem.
B: Do you want to talk about it?
A: I killed someone.
B: Oh… all right… I have to go…
We head to the doctor’s office today, but as we shall find out, the hurt of this patient needs more than just medical care. It’s a hurt that’s deep, and it does not scar – and that’s the worst hurt that one can get. Mickey and Jovitt tackle the language. They’re joined in by Razi and Paulo who will introduce us to different body parts and how to say them in Filipino.
A: Saan masakit? Sa ulo ba? Sa tiyan?
B: Hindi po, doc. Sa puso.
A: Heart attack iyan!
B: Hindi po. Heartbreak.
A: Where does it hurt? In your head? Your stomach?
B: No, doctor. It’s my heart.
A: That’s a heart attack!
B: No, it’s heartbreak.
Music: Rock Baby Rock by Kala
No copyright infringement intended. If you like the music, go and support OPM by buying the song legally online or in your nearest music store!
We’ve all been through a quarrel or a spat with a loved one. And we’ve always had our own techniques and tricks of patching things up. Now, it’s time to learn how to patch things up the Filipino way. Mickey and Jovitt teach the language, while Razi and Paulo join in for some insights on “tampo” and “lambing.”
A: Oh, nagtatampo ka na naman.
B: Ikaw kasi eh. Nangchichicks ka na naman.
A: Honeybabes, friends lang kami. Promise.
B: Talaga lang ha.
A: Hey, you’re mad at me again…
B: It’s your fault. You’ve been flirting with girls again.
A: Honeybabes, we’re just friends. Promise.
B: Really now…
Thanks to Yanee for being our female voice talent!
Music: Babaeng Uy Ay by UpDharmaDown, Sugarfree & Brownman Revival
No copyright infringement intended. If you like the music, go and support OPM by buying the song legally online or in your nearest music store!
We all get down because of that elusive and slippery four-letter word we call “love.” Why doesn’t he care, why doesn’t she love me, what’s wrong with me? These are the questions we are usually faced with. And, sadly, the answers are often too hard to swallow. Listen in as a heartbroken gent receives the ugly truth from his friend. Jovitt and Mickey handle the teaching, while Razi comes in with his two cents on love and the world of emo.
A: Bakit hindi niya ako mahal?
B: Loser ka eh.
A: Bakit ka ganyan?
B: Emo ka eh.
A: Why doesn’t she love me?
B: Coz you’re a loser.
A: Why are you like that?
B: Coz you’re emo.
Music: Kailan by The Eraserheads
No copyright infringement intended. If you like the music, go and support OPM by buying the song legally online or in your nearest music store!
Colorful and tacky posters, annoying jingles, fake smiles and insincere handshakes – it’s that time again in the Philippines – National Elections! Listen in as Jov and Mickey talk about the upcoming May 2010 National Elections as they teach some helpful election-related language! So, who are you voting for?
Music: Hari ng Sablay by Sugarfree
No copyright infringement intended. If you like the music, go and support OPM by buying the song legally online or in your nearest music store!
Manila is the capital of the Philippines… but Boracay is, um, the CAPITAL of FUN. Ok, that sounded lame. But you get the point – Boracay is the place to go to for beach fun and partying. Listen in as Cris and Mickey give Jovitt a call, as the culture vulture enjoys the view in Boracay.
Andito ako ngayon sa Boracay!
Ang ganda ng beach!
Parang pulbos yung buhangin, at ang linaw ng tubig!
Ang dami pang naka-bikini! Wow!
Kaso ang dami ring naka-Speedo! Kadiri.
I’m here right now in Boracay!
The beach is awesome/beautiful!
The sand is like powder!
And the water is so clear!
And there’s also a lot of people in bikinis! Wow!
But, there are also a lot in Speedos. Yuck.
Music: Da Coconut Nut by Smokey Mountain
No copyright infringement intended. If you like the music, go and support OPM by buying the song legally online or in your nearest music store!
You think you’re one place, turns out you’re miles away. Maybe you hit a wormhole or something. If ever you get trapped in a twilight zone and end up in the Philippines, you’ll learn just exactly what to say in this episode. Mickey and Cris take on the curious incident of the Cebuano lost in Manila.
A: Waaah! Waaah!
B: Oh, bata, anong nangyari?
A: Kailangan ko ng tulong. Nawawala ako. Nasaan ba ako?
B: Nasa Manila tayo, boy.
A: Talaga? Kanina lang nasa Cebu ako.
B: Ano?! Paano nangyari iyon?
A: Waah! Waah!
B: Hey kid, what happened?
A: I need help. I’m lost. Where am I?
B: We’re in Manila, kid.
A: Really? I was in Cebu just a moment ago!
B: What?! How’d that happen?
Music: Maskara by The Eraserheads
No copyright infringement intended. If you like the music, go and support OPM by buying the song legally online or in your nearest music store!
Game for a night out trying out Filipino cuisine? Can’t describe that tingling sensation on your tongue? Well, listen in on this date as it goes from sweet to sour… pun intended. Cris and Mickey eavesdrop on a night out as we learn the different tastes of Filipino cuisine.
A: Gusto mo ba ng sinigang?
B: Ayoko. Maasim masyado.
A: Eh bicol express?
A: Ayoko. Maanghang masyado.
B: Eh mangga?
A: Ayoko. Matamis masyado.
B: Ay, bahala ka.
A: Do you want sinigang?
B: Nah, too sour.
A: How about bicol express?
B: Nah, too spicy.
A: How about a mango then?
B: Nah, too sweet.
A: Ah, whatever. Eat what you want. Suit yourself.
We love confrontations, and this is the confrontation to end all confrontations. Jhunjhun (with bolo in hand) finally catches up with Bingbing and they have a heated talk on the alleged kissy-kissy with Makmak. Cris and Mickey listen in as an unexpected twist unfolds.
A: Bingbing! Kasama mo raw si Makmak?!
B: Hah? Hindi ako iyon!
A: Nakakasuka ka. Bruha.
B: Sinasabi ko sa iyo… HINDI AKO IYON!
A: Kung hindi ikaw, sino?!
B: Si… si Bengbeng, yung kambal ko. Akala ko… akala ko patay na siya.
A:Bingbing! I heard you were with Makmak?!
B: Huh? That wasn’t me!
A: You make me vomit. Witch.
B: I’m telling you! It wasn’t me!
A: If it wasn’t you, who was it then?
B: It was… it was Bengbeng, my twin. I thought… I thought she was dead!
Disclaimer: Kalyespeak does not intend to infringe on copyright. All music and pictures used in the site and the podcasts and pdfs belong to their respective owners. If you own a picture or a piece of music we have used and want it removed, please contact us by emailing us at kalyespeak[at]gmail.com
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